January is in full force, and has settled in as such. The winter blues have been absorbed in my mind body and soul this year, as the decorations come down, and the holiday spirit quickly shifts back to the daily routines of ordinary living.
In Brooklyn, trees are still aglow, sales rage on, bells still jingle and people seem to have stayed relatively cheery, donning new coats and scarves they received from their loved ones over the Christmas flurry. People are still handing out peppermint hot chocolate and festive cheer blazes on. Then I get on the subway. The train rages under the East River, and a depression settles in almost immediately. We approach First Avenue, and the first round of office drones wander off, looking slightly sad, slightly hopeless, and totally bummed out. This continues through Third Avenue, Union Square, Sixth Avenue, as we reach our final destination, Eighth Avenue. Now we are deep in the heart of the winter doldrums. Side note: Does anyone else just picture that scene from The Phantom Tollbooth upon hearing the word “Doldrums”? The scene in which Milo enters that gooey green and gray swamp mess? Anyone?
Perhaps it’s my work location, but I see such a dire and drastic transformation in just a matter of days - from December 30th to January 3rd, it’s as if the magical holiday fairies pack their bags and peace the hell out of New York City. I am talking specifically about the scuttle of rush hour around 34th Street. The miracle clearly only lasts for the month of December, because come January 1st, that miracle has vanished. Lights are turned off and taken down; The fake cans of snow sprayed on the windows has been wiped clean; Bare Christmas trees line the streets, pieces of tinsel and red ribbon still clinging to the pine needles for dear life, grasping on to any semblance of joy they can find; Worst of all, everyone is back to their cranky-rush-hour scuttling and pushing. The holiday spirit has disappeared, and reappeared as what I am deeming the Grumpy Grinchiness of January. It’s totally depressing. Sadly, I am also riding the Grumps of January train. I can’t quite place what it is that always puts me in such a funk come January 2nd (I enjoy my New Years Day, thank you very much). Maybe it’s the culmination of holidays – my birthday in the beginning of October, leading into the excitement and parties of Halloween, followed closely by Thanksgiving-Chanukah-Christmas-New Years and then…nothing. Martin Luther King Day is as good as it’s going to get this month folks. I mean hey, I’ll take my Monday off and go to some museums, along with the rest of NYC’s public school children whose parents don’t know what to do with them, but other that that, what is there to look forward too? Impending blizzards from what supposedly promises to be “The worst winter we’ve seen in years!” (I have yet to see a snowflake, Weather Channel)? We can hope for a snow day. Groundhog Day? Presidents Day? I no longer get a spring break, so that quickly moves us along to Memorial Day and July 4th, where we can at least enjoy glorious weather and bi-weekly beach trips. Then we’re sucked back into Fall, and it’s October again. Is this what we’ve become? Holiday-seeking beings, waiting for Hallmark to build us up, only to drop us back down come the new year? How exhausting
Starting off this New Year, I am happy with where I am. I very much like living in such an amazing and grand city where I can find and do pretty much anything I like whenever I want it. I am a product of the Sesame Street Generation, and this city caters to exactly that. I love my apartment (save for the lack of drawers in my kitchen – really?) and even more, the location of my apartment. It’s still hard being so far from friends, who continually do group activities my moving away has made me unable to partake in. I am in no way mad about that, however I can’t help but feel sad sometimes. I try to visit as much as I can, but finances are tough. I wish and ask for visitors, but I can’t ever seem to get anyone to come. It makes me question my friendship value, or wonder if people truly are just that busy all the time. Emailing and texting is so hard when unreciprocated, so it’s tough to keep up. Feeling constantly left out hurts more than I thought it would; Funny how things manifest themselves when left alone long enough to linger. I just feel like I no longer fit into any group of friends. Not from home, not from theatre, not from college, not from work – I find myself wondering where I fall.
Making new friends in this city is so difficult. I need to keep signing up for things like soccer, and dance classes, and hope I make a friend or two here or there. Maybe going back to school will also come with a new set of comrades. My graduate school prospects excite me – possibly taking the GRE’s does not. These are things I am still striving to figure out.
I am also excited about getting back into shape. I have definitely fallen off the exercise boat for a while now, so it’s time to get back on. I don’t just say this as a New Years resolution, as I never follow through with those anyway. I say this as a lifestyle change I’ve been meaning to make for some time – now is just as convenient a time as any (and now there are no excuses!). Switching gyms is going to help with that a lot. I’m looking forward to being able to walk 7 blocks from my apartment and be at my gym. Ah, the expediency of location continues to amaze me. I also threw away any “bad” food I had tempting me in my apartment, and replaced it with things like fruit, salad, nuts – the works. Obviously, eating habits don’t change overnight, but if I only surround myself with good choices, then I can only make good choices, right? Forcing habits works! Jeff also got me a dance card for the holidays, and I no longer have an excuse to not dance – especially since I find myself not doing the things that make me the happiest, like dance and theatre. I need to find my swing of those things here. One step at a time.
Usually, I find myself doing some sort of New Years Resolutions post around this point in the year – but I have decided against it this time around. Instead, I’m just going to continue on the path I’ve found myself on, and explore as many options and possibilities as I can gather. 2011 was a great year for me. It started out a little crappy, and was filled with ridiculous ups and downs – but it also found me in a place I really like, truly starting an independent life on my own. They say your twenties are when you really figure everything out, and I’m certainly finding that to be true. I’m excited to keep searching, finding, and exploring.
This year has started by dancing to live soul music at a 60’s themed dance party at The Bell House, followed by throwing up in a bar in Williamsburg, while the next week was met with frustration and feeling stagnate and idle in my place in life – and the week after found me eating in Little Italy, rocking to Karaoke in the village, and playing (and coming in second!) in my very first Poker tournament, lasting until 4am in Gowanus, Brooklyn with a group of people I had never met before, introducing me not only to a new game, but new music and new conversation as well. Welcome to my mid-late twenties I suppose. The year of 2012 awaits. I’m psyched.
