Someday, I'll Write A Book About This

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Without meaning to, a great deal of said thinking has been spent sort of perched on the idea of my own social life - shallow, I know - but what else is a post-grad supposed to do without homework and papers and staying up late watching crappy game shows and listening to Yoko Ono with her roommates? In case you were wondering, I have now, officially, been up for almost a full 24 hours.

I think my main concern is what to now do with whatever moment of spare time I find. I'm used to my life being so rigidly structured - by my own choosing, mind you, but nonetheless, planned and firm, with the added bonus of late night spontaneity, and the occasional splurge of Starbucks or Carvel. I feel as though that has been taken from me by the educators who decided I was ready to move into the real world, which I have yet to determine if I even like. I don't want to turn out to be one of those people who go from school to school, adding on degrees and checking out more loans, just to avoid to ultimate result of having to actually live life and pay my debt to society with a check made out to scary-loan-place. It's utterly daunting! And I don't think I anticipated having this much trouble adjusting. Especially considering that adjusting from high school to college, while mentally, unbeknownst to me, may have taken 4 years to prepare for, took me physically a week to settle myself into my new environment. Now it's taken me over 4 months to re-adjust to what has been my surroundings, my home, for going on 23 years.

I picked up a book at work today, called "Ramen Noodles, Rent, and Resumes", and so far it's told me nothing new. Maybe alliteration is just not the answer, author Kristen Fischer. And FYI - Ramen Noodles suck. Cup Noodles it's what up.

I suppose this is all part of the process, the stages of adjustment. I just can't see myself settling - working a desk job, maintaining a balanced checkbook and having enough money for food, rent, and my insurance all in a two-weeks paycheck. Maybe the extra stress of not having a comfy cushion to fall back on is what makes it all so worthwhile and fulfilling? Or maybe these are simply the confessions of a scared little girl who still can't break her nail-biting habit, who, until the age of 11, couldn't sleep over at other girls houses, and who, at the age of 17, took her security Big Bird to college? What's worse is I still get the feeling of uneasiness when I'm not in a bed surrounded by some form of a comfort zone. How can a girl like that be ready to tackle anything major alone?

Hopelessness is not a feeling I crave, or have a desire to hold on to much longer.

Politics, Much?

I tried. I did, I can't hold it in any longer. May we PLEASE discuss the horrible, horrible political boohockey we're currently surrounded by?

Flat out - I am about as Democratic as you can get. I am pro-choice, I watched every speech in the DNC, I hate people with ridiculous amounts of money (which may just have to do with the fact that I don't have any, and nothing to do with a political party), etcetera, and so forth. However, if I hadn't been a democrat before? This last repub move has CERTAINLY pushed me far over the edge that never even needed to exist. Oy.

Politics seems to be the only thing on the news these days - and with extremely good reason. The name most recently stirring all the buzz? Sarah Palin - everyday hockey mom from Alaska, and residential dumbass who, and I quote, believed that just 4,000 years ago, dinosaurs roamed the earth. Really?

What do we know about her? Enough to make me know that if McCain is elected, and then dies (which I believe I heard is considered an actual possibility? yikes.), and the great V.P. Palin becomes president, I'm moving to Canada. The woman was a beauty queen who doesn't believe in gun control, has children with the names Bristol, Track, and Trig (...), a 17 year old pregnant daughter (how so Jamie-Lynn), just recently obtained her very first passport (and is so proud!), and when asked if war with Russia was on the table, she said we'd go. Yeah - because we're not already in a military strain.

The thing that bothers me the most, is that THIS is the woman who is causing Obama to lose supporters. This past-her-expiration-date beauty queen could actually be our president. And no one is afraid of this because? I'm honestly worried. This woman says that if a woman is raped and becomes pregnant, it would be illegal for her to have an abortion - and SHE could be the one holding the nuclear codes to take us to war with Russia, who has enough nuclear power to end civilization as we know it. She is an embarrassment to not only me, not only every woman, but to every person in this country with the ability to graduate high school. She is an insult to my own intelligence, and I'm not buying any of what she's selling.

We're supposed to be on board with her because she is the "every woman". If she is the every woman? I'm moving to Canada and getting a sex change operation. I was a hardcore Hillary supporter (and not only because of the fantastic name she upholds), but I will vote for Obama over Palin one million times over.

Fill In The _______

Life has been throwing me a few unexpected curve balls recently, and I have politely asked for it to stop doing so. However, Life, like Mother Nature and even my very own Mother, does what she wants. Therefore, I have decided to share these kind words with you, as expressed by an old friend of mine, Nina:

"Be true to yourself and to others - and always believe in the MAGIC of dance."

I underline dance, so that you can replace it with whatever your passion or heart may find desirable or necessary. I think it's important not to hold on to words and advice, but to share them. Maybe someone out there will stumble across these and find them helpful to them. Or perhaps I'm exhausted, frustrated, and it being after midnight, simply spent and out of anything extraordinary to write.

I am, however, very excited about King and I rehearsal tomorrow. I adore this cast, and even more so, my kids. I miss school.

Favorite two words of the day: Ubiquitous and Retroactive.

I leave you with this:

Promised Land

I know it sounds cliche and lame, but music is an art form that I truly believe holds immense power - both in communicating a message, but also (I know, SO lame) healing. I can be having the most horrible day of my life, and I can put in a song that can help flip my entire mood around, or just backup the one I'm in and make me feel a little less alone about it. I can be in an amazing mood and be able to pop in a CD to keep me pumped. Whatever the situation, I have always been able to find a song to match, whatever the moment.

That being said, Dar Williams is one of my all time favorite singer-songwriters, possibly ever. I must admit that yes, I may have a slight obsession with her - but it's totally healthy! One in which I refuse to buy her music off of places like iTunes (which, I also must admit, I am hardcore invested in) because I want her to get as much profit as possible because she deserves it. I also signed up for her fan mail doohickey's, and occasionally get fun information and mass emails from Dar along with being able to promote her music. I have also seen her like, 6 times in concert - maybe more? REGARDLESS - her new CD came out today, which I of course immediately purchased, and no sooner had I ripped open the package and stuffed the CD into my car stereo, did I fall in love with it. I know it, again, sounds cliche, but this woman's music got me through so much - the transition from high school to college, my first serious heartbreak - everything.

THEREFORE, I highly suggest you take a listen to Dar Williams newest release, "Promised Land". It may just change your life. And while you're at it, check out her live CD, "Out There", because it has much of Dar's witty, witty banter. Fantastic. A+.

Of little or no substance, but...

Maybe it's because I'm currently obsessed with the song. Maybe it's because I love me some Christina. Maybe it's because she just had a baby and looks fan-fucking-tastic and can move like a classy stripper, I don't know. What I do know is that Christina Aguilera's performance at the VMA's last night (which, for the few minutes I watched, sucked donkey - I hate Russel Brand) was bizzanging - so much that I don't even care if she wasn't really singing. I want to be her backup dancer. And what kind of person would I be if I didn't include the video to share?



She makes me want to be freaking Batman. Or Catwoman.

In other - possibly less, possibly more - important news, my Aunt is preggers again. She named the last baby Tyronne, so I'm thinking if she has a girl, it might be a Shaniqua or Channel or something equally...appropriate. Right?

Tonight my Mom and I were watching a movie, and during the commercials, we decided to check out what else was on. Now I'm not sure if you are familiar with the show "Talk Sex" with Sue Johanson, but if you're not? I suggest you spend approximately 4 minutes with Madame Johanson - not for the sexual education, no no no. Watching a woman who is approxiamately 150 years old answer the question "If my boyfriend and I are having anal sex, and he ejaculates inside me, will my butt get bigger?", and keep a perfectly straight face. Mad props to Sue.

She also has little body figures (like those artist models) that she used to demonstrate sexual positions, and sometimes takes either a vibrator or a model of a penis and demonstrates various sexual acts. What a babe.

Go, Green, Go!

I have never doubted the Global Warming situation, and always knew it would quickly work it's way into our lives during my generations lifetime - but I don't think I ever expected myself to buy into the entire "Going Green!" industry as quickly as I have. List of things to prove my point thus far? Yes, please.

1. I bought one of those special-non-cancerous-super-good-for-the-environment water bottles - though I must admit the slightly selfish end of that spectrum - I don't spend money on buying individual water bottles anymore. It's lightweight, it's made entirely out of recycled materials, and it's fuchsia and so pretty!

2. I am slowly but surely purchasing those pre-recycled bags that almost every supermarket is now carrying, and using them for everything under the sun - from books to shoes! I even picked one up at work today because it was so gosh darn cheap, and insanely adorable, with sayings such as "I used to be a plastic bottle". Oh come on now.

3. Peace out paper lunch bags - I gots myself a lunchy-box! Now I'm just a nerd. I even use reusable Tupperware containers instead of zip locks, foil and saran wrap. And yes - my water bottle fits onto the outside of the bag. Boo-ya.

4. I've always been insane with the recycling thing - no change there. Although my mom read something about caps not being recyclable, so now she's like a bottle-cap crazy, double checking everything we throw in the bin. But good for her, being conscientious.

5. Now, working at a bookstore, I simply can't get behind the whole "borrow, don't buy!" concept, because honestly? Nothing says indulgence like the smell of a brand new book. I do, however, buy from local farms more often than chain supermarkets. There are two awesome stands down the street from me - and Fedoras totally supports that, go them!

6. Turning down the air conditioning sucks. But I do it. But I'm not happy about it! And you know how I am with my air conditioning. I think I'd live in an igloo if I had the option. Unfortunately, if I don't continue to turn my air down, I won't have an igloo to grow old in.

SO, that's that. Check it out! But beware. the lady on the screen talks.

http://www.wecansolveit.org/?source=GoogleSearch

Welcome, To My Home

My newest obsession:

Brenda Dickson.

Brenda Dickson is a former soap opera star who once played a featured villain on The Young and the Restless in what I believe was around the mid-1980's. Currently, however, she is known for her insanity and her divorce trial (where she was caught on tape giving a Nazi salute?), which resulted in her 3 or 4 day jail stint for refusing to vacate a condo she lost in the settlement. This lead to an amazing discovery: Brenda Dickson's 1987 videos "Welcome to My Home" - a pseudo-documentary in which the gorgeous Brenda literally takes us on a tour of her house (which, by the by, begins in her bathroom - clue of whats to come?). Within the first few moments, Brenda takes us into her Living Room, in which she remarks (all the while in a bright gold dress), "Why Hello! Welcome to my Living Room, only through the magic of Hollywood. Do you like this Gown? It's very dramatic.". Later, we are taken into her closet, introduced to her dog (who is apparently a very important part of her exercise routine), and later taken to her kitchen, where she introduces her cat, "Snow", and then exclaims how very hungry she is. While holding the cat. Yikes.

The best part - some genius with nothing better to do took this glorious footage, and dubbed over it. I highly suggest you stop whatever it is you are doing, and watch a video that will change your life:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dO65OlAhEJg

The Sad Tale of the Beauxhommes: A History Lesson.

SERENDIPITY: an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident - good furtune, luck

We are indebted to the English author Horace Walpole for the word serendipity, which he coined in one of the 3,000 or more letters on which his literary reputation primarily rests. In a letter of January 28, 1754, Walpole says that "this discovery, indeed, is almost of that kind which I call Serendipity, a very expressive word." Walpole formed the word on an old name for Sri Lanka, Serendip. He explained that this name was part of the title of "a silly fairy tale, called The Three Princes of Serendip: as their highnesses traveled, they were always making discoveries, by accidents and sagacity, of things which they were not in quest of...."

Lameatron

I have been feeling so incredibly lame recently.

I need to keep myself busy at pretty much every moment of every day, because otherwise I might, literally, go crazy. The whole "idle mind idle body" thing really isn't working for me. I almost envy those who can spend their days doing nothing and feel satisfied or somewhat content. I spend a day doing nothing and I feel like a complete and total waste.

I met a girl at work today who apparently went to Tomato Patch with me, and used to date Austin. AWKWARD. It is a small, small world.

And So It Begins...

I feel as though today started a new chapter in my life. It is the day after labor day, which, for the past 5 years, has been the day a new class schedule shifted into gear, and which, for the 13 years prior, the remaining school supplies were purchased, and the back-to-school outfit was chosen, winding up to the first day of school 48 hours later. Now, having graduated from college, I am not afraid to admit, that given the lack of routine and set schedule I have had 18 years prior to this day, the following:

I am scared shitless.


From what everyone tells me, this is normal. It's not even so much a feeling of fear, as much as a feeling of misdirection, or absenteeism. I feel as though I am missing something, something substantial - like I'm constantly late to something I'm supposed to be at - almost as though life is going on, and it's not including me. Shouldn't I feel the opposite? Shouldn't I feel as though I've finally caught up? Like I'm outside of the bubble known as college, and now I'm catching up on the world I was missing for 5 years?

It reminds me of my very first week my freshman year of college. I had this same gut-wrenching nervousness, I knew no one, and had no idea where I was going to fit or where I was going to end up. Do I now have to rediscover it all over again? Or more importantly, do I need to rediscover myself all over again? I remember calling Cara that first week, almost in tears, hating this new atmosphere and feeling terrible scared and lonely, and she (having been at school a week already) told me the following: "Dude, trust me - it gets better, I promise you. Hang in there, and call me if you need me!"

I think I may almost be in that spot again, just a little more prepared. Maybe this is what happens each time something huge changes in your life, and I just have to accept that and embrace what is new. It's silly to be scared of the unknown, because the unknown might be something fabulous - I just need to repeat that mantra to myself over and over again.
The silliest part is that I have some wonderful things coming up. I'm starting my job at Barnes and Noble tomorrow, tonight was the first King and I read thru, and Monday is the first rehearsal for Rocky Horror - plus I'm applying for two more choreography jobs for the year. The hardest part hits when I realize all my high school friends have moved away, and all my college friends are at least an hour away - so socially, it's going to be a hard adjustment, and a little extra work. But I'm good at work.

Therefore, in the industrious words of Jordan, I leave you with:
"You can handle whatever is thrown at you. I know that."


So here goes.