Monday, February 28, 2011

The Moment I Said It

I don't think I've ever posted any of my choreography up here - so I thought I'd give it a shot. This is a piece I choreographed in the summer of 2009. What started out as an emotional roller coaster coming out of a serious relationship and months of heartache turned into a productive and, what I like to think, successful work. As with all of my dances, I look back and want to change a million things, but I wouldn't touch the amount of raw emotion these kids put into the piece of my heart I opened for them. If I had had 3 months, this would have been one of five numbers - but alas, I only had 4 weeks to teach and perfect.

With that, I hope you enjoy, and I apologize for the poor video quality.




Choreographed by Hilary Goldman
Music by Imogen Heap
No copyright infringement intended



And this was from 2 years prior:







Choreograped by Hilary Goldman
Music by Queen
No copyright infringement intended

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Here's The Thing

I find the topic I am about to divulge into comes up a lot – specifically, with me, and in my writing here – but here I am again, ready to tackle it.

The only way to maintain your sense of self is to stay true to yourself, yes? Well, what if you do, and it doesn’t make a difference? I could keep my mouth shut, but that would be going against my nature to talk incessantly (not necessarily something I’m proud of, but I’ve learned to embrace). I spent the first 17 years of my life not talking. Anyone who knew me from age 5 on knew me as that quiet girl in the corner with big eyes who would always speak up when spoken to, but would say very little in between. My best friends had my undivided attention over my teachers during school hours, and while notes and whispers were shared nonstop, I always kept to myself and my friends. I had dance classes and sports to express myself and vent, so I didn’t need much else. I always had my 3 or 4 close friends, and while most people liked me, I was never popular – I’ll never know if it was by my choice and opting for silence, or if my hair just wasn’t shiny enough. That, and while my family was never in financial trouble, we lived in a ridiculously wealthy town I never quite fit in to. The friendships I maintained sometimes suffered, as I was occasionally referred to by my peers as being “bossy” when in groups of 2 or 3. I’m more than positive this is accurate, as even now, I like to be in control of situations.

As I got older, and started reaching the awkward middle school phase of my life, I started to get picked on – and I got picked on a lot. So much so that even now, it’s sometimes tough for me to talk about. This, no doubt, aided in my overall silence, and continued until I really started participating in theatre. I enjoyed high school, but it wasn’t until college that I really came out of my shell. Since then, I am often found, to put it bluntly, talking. Maybe the years of not speaking my mind have caught up with me, or maybe I just have a lot to say – either way, I talk a lot. It’s not that I talk just because I like the sound of my own voice - but I like to think that I have things of interest to say, and I am no longer afraid of expressing myself, or voicing my opinion. If people don’t like it or if things I say have an impact on whether or not a person likes me, then so be it. At least I’m being honest and true to myself.

That being said, I feel the need to reiterate a point I have made before: I am not a liar. I never have been, and I never will be. There was a time in my life where I was lost and searching desperately to fit in somewhere – anywhere – and in that time, I would absolutely tell people what I thought they wanted to hear. I take full responsibility for that time, and, again, I am not proud of it – but I am human, and we all make mistakes. However, outside of that brief stint of insecurity and desperation, I consider myself to be a straightforward and sincere person. Not everyone seems to agree. While I don’t think I have ever been doubted on my sincerity, I have often been accused of being a liar, or of simply making things up. This sometimes comes from my keeping certain things to myself. For example, I don’t often share information from my personal life or my romantic life with everyone I come into contact with. I just don’t always feel the need. Plus it’s hard to trust when you’ve been burned so many times before. I’ve opened up to people in the past, and been royally screwed. Or I’ve shared details of my personal life and then had then shared amongst other friends (not cool). It sometimes leads me to believe that there is no one I can truly trust. Then there are times when I’ve been overly honest (is there such a thing?), and entirely candid about a situation or event, and that has also backfired. All of this leads me to believe that it’s hard to find a happy medium between sharing too much, and not giving enough.

Am I over thinking this all? Most likely. Yet I believe I have reason to do so. While I know my friends like me, I also know there have been conversations (most likely far in the past, but conversations nonetheless) about me and my reliability – which is not a good feeling to have, nor is it a feeling one should have. Even this past weekend, when referred to as “a really great liar” by someone with whom I have been nothing but completely truthful with, I felt a great deal of hurt. While part of me wants to address the issue, another part of me wonders if it’s worth the energy. People will think what they want to think sometimes, regardless of truth. As the awful saying goes, you can’t get blood from a stone. And I can’t get people to believe in me if they don’t want to.

Perhaps this is a battle I will never win. Maybe everyone goes through this, or similar insecurities (or is it just me?) regarding how they are perceived. However, I know who I am. I know when I’m honest and when I’m not, and I know when to keep my mouth shut – if doing so makes me a bad person, than so be it. I know I’m sincere and honest, and direct when need be, and I will not be forgiving for that. I have been lied to, cheated on, and mislead more times than I can count – I would never do that to someone else.

And that’s all I got. Rant over.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Wedding Singer!

There is still one more weekend!  Come check out the 80's with great music and dancing, drag queens, and parachute pants.  You know you wanna...


For more information, check out the info, here: http://nj.broadwayworld.com/article/Kelsey_Theatre_Presents_THE_WEDDING_SINGER_20010101

Monday, February 7, 2011

Stupid Takes On A Whole New Level

I know it sounds boring, but when I consume alcohol, I tend to drink it - be it from a glass, a bottle, or through a twisty straw. Sounds pretty reasonable, right? Apparently, that's not enough anymore for those crazy teenagers and young college students, who are finding new and interesting ways to get their drink on, using new and interesting orifices to do it, to say the least.

Now yes, this topic may be slightly older, but it was just this past weekend when I learned of “eyeball shots”. Yes, you read correctly. An eyeball shot is just as it sounds - a shot of alcohol you take with your (wait for it) eye. You simply hold a shot glass (or, to be extra classy, the mouth of a bottle) up to your eye socket, lean back, and voila! Insta-drunk! Alcohol is absorbed best through mucous membranes, and according to college students in England, since the eyeball and eyelids are covered in said membranes, it is the fastest way to get drunk. Really? Personally, I think it sounds like the fastest way to sting your eyes and go blind.

According to opthomologists, this practice not only can cause permanent damage to the surface of the eye, but it will hurt like crazy. Oh, and it doesn’t even work. That’s right. Those kiddies may think they’re rocking a drunken high, but really, they’re just stupid. Seriously. Type in “Eyeball Shots” on YouTube, and enjoy hours of dummies being super cool.

Another rad practice consists of pouring vodka into an asthma atomizer or inhaler, and snorting it. Guess what that does? Nothing but burn your sinuses. Cool!

I have, however, saved my personal favorite for last. According to my extensive internet research, this technique was first rumored to exist back in 1999 – but who’s keeping track. Ladies, this one’s for you! Did you know that you can now soak a tampon in vodka and insert it inside of yourself to get buzzed (vaginal mucous membranes anyone)? That’s right! It doesn’t work, but I’ll give someone ten dollars to try it (not). I can only begin think of why a person would maybe even consider doing this; Maybe to avoid the smell of booze on ones breath? To perhaps avoid the nausea and post party blues? None of these seem like justifiable reasons to shove a soaking wet tampon up your who-ha. And how someone would do this is another story all together. It just sounds uncomfortable.

I personally enjoy this quote, which I think sums up the current generation quite well, taken from an article written in USA Today:

What has changed is that the Internet now allows stupid behaviors to be amplified in ways they couldn't easily be before, Lyons says. For example, there's no epidemic of students punching themselves in the face, but there are more than 20 videos of youths doing so online.

Pure genius. Who wants to go buy some vodka and tampons?!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Daily Advice

Dina: Hilary, you need to spice up your love life.  See this scratch on my eye?  Carras hit me with in the face with a slice of pizza.  See?  We keep it real.
Annie: And totally not weird.
Dina: Exactly.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Rainy Days and Mondays. Or Tuesdays.

Rain always makes me one of the following things:

1. Stir crazy
2. Feel the need to put on galoshes (yup, galoshes) and jump in puddles, or
3. Overly contemplative.  Today is a 3 kind of day.

I was told today that I don't know what love is.  Maybe that's true.  Maybe no one truly knows what "love" is, until they are in it.  Even still, how can one person determine whether or not anyone else feels it or not?  Isn't love one of those feelings that is different for each and every individual?  Emotions are only emotions because of the way they effect people, and can really only be determined by the severity in which one feels them.  I've always felt as though feelings and emotions can't necessarily be exactly defined because they are so personal and unique to each person that it is hard to pin point exactly what the "definition" of one is.  Sure, when a person is happy they feel good - but happiness means something different to everyone.  The way a person expresses oneself is specific to them, not to the dictionaries determination.  It aggravates me that, knowing this, people still pass judgement on other peoples reactions and interpretations.  Some people are more or less sensitive than others, and therefore react differently to situations in which someone else may feel is either ridiculous or not severe enough.  Who are we to judge how someone feels?  In addition, it's not always about intent, but perception.  Sometimes what you say may be interpreted differently than what you initially meant.  I just don't see why people can't just be honest and forward, and say what they mean.  Maybe I'm too harsh.

My ultimate point here?  Just jumbles of words mindlessly floating.  It's topics like this, and being called out on something I maybe once questioned that remind me of who I am, and what I believe.  I spent so long being unsure - of myself, and of everything in my life - only to come to the conclusion that nothing is certain or finite.  Things change in an instant, and there isn't always a way to be prepared for them.  I put too much stake in people and events, and allow too much meaning to be placed on words and emotions.  I don't know if it's good or bad, but it's me.  Being aware of it helps me put things in perspective, and realize when I'm maybe being ridiculous or on point.  What I've learned from it all is simply not to judge others on their emotions.  Sometimes, there is simply no right or wrong.  And I'm okay with who I am.  Learning and growing.  What total cheese.