Dear Self

It’s amazing what a little self-motivation and pep-talking, mixed with a little sadness and Dar Williams can do to for a girl.

I was awoken last night from a deep sleep with a massive anxiety attack – over what, precisely, I’m not sure, but I can guarantee you it’s one of the worst feelings in the world.  This is mostly because I’ve been pretty stressed out lately – money is super tight, bills are overdue, my rent check bounced, work is unchallenging yet tense, my relationship is experiencing growing pains, and I don’t have a huge social life in the city just yet (and am not quite sure how to go about remedying that).  Not to mention that over the past year, I have probably put on a whopping 15 pounds that I know I didn’t have when I moved here (this is an obvious mix of life style changes and living surrounded by some of the best food options in the world), so my self confidence is forever wavering.  Stressed is an understatement.  It’s really no wonder I wake up at 4am with a craving for either chocolate or a Xanax.  I feel like there is a little inch worm creeping through my brain, planting doubts and sadness wherever I may begin to feel a tinge of hope.  I’ve been in a rut since the New Year started, and I have no one to blame but myself.

I’ve allowed myself to be swallowed by the negative things in my life, rather than embrace them and use them to better myself.  I need a kick in the ass to get my life back on track.  I’m allowing myself to fall, rather than picking myself back up – and that’s not like me at all.

So this is my letter to myself; My motivation to get myself moving, and changing – not necessarily back to my “old” self, as we should never go back; but to be comfortable going forward, embracing changes, growth, and discoveries.  Sort of like my post winter-blues-looking-ahead-to-spring-resolutions.  Here goes.

Smile more.

Listen to more music, and make more playlists – you love them, so enjoy them.

Take one day and one task at a time.  Make to-do lists.  Writes things down just to cross them out to help you get started.  It’s okay to trick yourself, just a little.

Catch up with old friends – stop being so scared to reconnect!

Make more phone calls.  Texting is not the same.

Stay consistent in your dancing.  You have a dance card.  Get your butt dancing.

Surround yourself with positive people.  If someone doesn’t like you, move on.  No more dwelling!

Stop taking things so personally.  Just because someone is having a bad does NOT mean you did anything wrong.  People have bad days.  It is not a reflection on you. 

Sing along with the radio.

Focus at work – stay in it 100%, but continue to balance a social aspect without going too far over one way or the other.  Stay friendly (I put out a candy bowl today.  Step one.).

Review your grammar!

Keep writing.

Keep reading.

Do your nerdy thing and be proud.  It’s okay to enjoy video games, kid’s books, and knitting.

Be loud and proud.  Always.

Speak your mind – but know when not too.

Know that the friends that want to be in your life help find a way to stay there, and stop worrying about the ones who don't.

Only you can change your situation.  If something is making you unhappy, don’t do it, don’t be around it, and take yourself somewhere better.  Sometimes, it really is that simple.

If you are unhappy with your body, do something to change it.  Lying to yourself by saying you are eating better isn’t enough.  Get to the gym.  No gym?  Dance around your apartment.  Go to the park and run. Sign back up for soccer.  Get moving!

Get your last 2 wisdom teeth pulled.  You’ll feel better.

The list is forever growing.  Now that I have it in writing, I have no excuse not to motivate myself.  And for those of you readers out there possibly hurting from the same left over New-Years-this-winter-was-lame rut?  Perhaps this will inspire you to write your own motivation.  

And let me know you read! I'd love to know who comes to check out my little piece of internet real estate over here and vamp things up a bit.  Any takers on helping?