Fuckin' Hipsters Stealing My Sleep

I know.  I know know know that what I am about to say makes me sound like I'm an 80 year old woman, but WHY must the people across the hall from me have a crazy loud party at midnight, and then proceed to leave their door wide open AND climb up to the roof using the fire escape that is connected to my window when I'm sick and all I want to do is go to sleep?  What is it about Brooklyn, Hipsters, skinny jeans, and roof tops that makes such a ridiculous combination?


It is now that I introduce to you a website that, while I loathe it's existence (and the fact that they have a damn BOOK published, which is how I found it in the first place [thanks BN]), called "Look At This Fucking Hipster".  I'm sorry.  They need to buy more underpants and TURN THE PARTY DOWN.

Reasons I currently don't like "Hipsters":

A. They go on my roof
2. "You smell homeless, Brett.  Homeless".  This is because Hipsters don't shower.  That is, they don't shower enough.  Greasy hair = stylish and easier to mold into a cool mo hawk or a weirdo spiked comb over.  It also holds onto hats with more ease.
D. They try too hard to be different.  Just be yourself, smelly kids.

I would like to share with you an excerpt from the article entitled "The Hipster Manifesto" by Julie Grisolano:

The hipster manifesto is repleat with what's cool and what's not.  If you're a hipster, you know all the latest "cool" restaurants, bars, bands, music venues, books, clothes, and "hip" neighborhoods to live in.  Being a hipster means you buck convention by getting a job out of college that is unique, dress in non-conformist clothes, probably majored in some liberal arts degree at school, loathe the idea of ever living in the burbs, listen to NPR, go to bars that are off the beaten path, like quirky movies, and listen to bands that probably get very little major network radio time.  And the minute a movie, band, restaurant, bar, or neighborhood, starts becoming mainstream, you no longer consider it "cool."  Constantly looking for the new "it", hipsters religiously search for the latest trend--before it becomes too trendy.  If everyone else is doing it, then it's not novel.  And if it's not novel, it's not hip.  Considering that being "hip" is about bucking the trend, hipsters ironically perform this ritual with clockwork.  And in no area is this clockwork-mentality more apparent than in the worldview they hold. 

Put different clothes on them and place them in a different decade, our modern-day hipster nonetheless often resembles the 1960's hippy from our parent's generation.  Is this a stereotype?  Sure.  But take a poll next time you meet a hipster and about 8 times out of 10 they'll overwhelmingly agree with the more liberal-leaning cultural opinions they listened to on NPR or read in the latest "hip" cultural-commentary book.  They'll give you an earful too on all the woes that America has inflicted on a. the world, b. every minority group in the world, and c. the vast 3rd world nations that America colonized at one time.  Forget that America didn't actually colonize the 3rd world countries they mention, rather that it was our European friends whose good-opinion they crave so much, they'll still steadfastly maintain that somehow, it's America's fault.  Not too long ago I had a conversation with a young woman, armed with a law degree and other multiple advanced-degrees, who argued that America was the worst nation on the planet.  As an ardent feminist, I thought surely that she'd consider countries with aggressive policies against women---countries that don't allow women to vote, drive a car, or eat in public---far worse.  But, she adamantly disagreed saying that, "Nothing compares to America.  We're the worst country in the world."  Now, I'm not saying my country of residence is perfect, but I will bet my meager life savings that America's young feminist hipsters wouldn't relish the idea of trading places with the ladies of Saudi Arabia. 

I feel better.  Now to get some sleep.  OH WAIT.