They All Sort Of Start The Same

 

I was extremely fortunate to spend New Years Eve with some of my favorite people, in one of my favorite places, with one of my favorite families (aside from my own), even though the fact remains:

I very much dislike New Years.

I can't  put an exact reason to why New Years and I have a rocky relationship, but we've never really gotten along.  I believe it started when I was two (so this goes way back).  My parents threw a New Years Eve party, and had small glasses of sweet champagne on various tables.  Supposedly, I was able to get my tiny hands on one and drank it.  There is actual video of me walking down the hallway later that evening, swaying back and forth and falling down.  Two years old and drunk?  Not a good start, New Years.

In middle school and high school, I remember my mom would let me have friends come sleep over.  She would buy french onion dip and chips, ice cream and toppings for sundaes, sparkling cider, and those little popper-things that smell like burning when you shoot them off.  Those nights were always fun, but I always ended up staying up too late and ending up sick for when we went back to school.  NYE: 2, Hilary: 0.

College always proved interesting, as I would generally want to spend New Years with my boyfriend of the time.  We sort of ended up alternating which friends we would spent it with - one year mine,  the next years his - and they were always so anti-climactic.  I think that's where it all comes from - we have this build up and picturesque idea of what New Years should be like; These crazy expectations of some insane party, booze flying through the air, hot dudes serving drinks and making out with you on the bar, when in reality?  New Years is, statistically, one of the most depressing and over-hyped holidays of the year.

I swear I'm not a Debbie Downer come New Years time.  I go into it every year with an upbeat, positive disposition and attitude.  I always try to make some sort of fun plans that aren't too insane, but involve me doing something great with great people.  Yet, every year, without fail, I end up waking up the next morning totally bummed out.  Not refreshed or recharged, but exhausted and hung over, and sometimes a little sad - none of which is, to me, the right way to start a fresh, new year.

Next year, I think I'll try and get some friends together and do the midnight 5k run in Central Park.  Now that's a way to start a year - who's with me?

Since that was sort of a bummer post, I will leave you with a picture of my cat smoking a cigarette:

A Letter to 2012

Dear 2012,

What can I say that hasn't already been said?  You have dropped more knowledge on me than I knew what to do with.  You have filled me with so many ups and downs, ins and outs, overs and unders - you name it, you threw it at me.  While one might think that I should be angry with you and despise your very existence, I am here to tell you that I could not be more thankful. 

I have learned how strong I can be.  

I have learned to put myself out there, and be more fearless.  

I have had my heart broken, and learned how quickly I can repair myself.  

I have improved who I am, and how I feel.  

I have learned not to give too much of myself, period.

I have challenged myself in ways I never thought I would be able to, and come out successful. 

I have made new friendships, and rekindled old ones. 

I have learned that the people who matter the most make themselves known, just by being there for you - quality over quantity could not be more on point.  

I have learned that being a good friend can sometimes be the most important role.  

I have learned that I need to let go more often - of myself, of people, of past experiences - in order to move on and make room for new experiences, and new people.  

I have learned that a heart has no end to how much it can hold.  

I have learned that knowing what you need and needing what you want are two very different things.  

I have learned that standing up for yourself and who you are is the most empowering thing you can do for yourself.

I have learned that you can not lose yourself in any one person or any one thing - keeping yourself balanced is key.

I have realized how important fun is, and sometimes, you have to remind yourself that having it is so important.

I have realized that I deserve to be happy.  I deserve love, hope, friends, family, and all the good things in the world (and you do, too!).

I have learned that every experience is a learning experience.

And I will continue to believe that things happen for a reason - even if you can't see it at the time, even if it sucks more than anything, even if it feels like the end of the world and maybe the worst thing that could ever happen to you?  It will all work out in the end, and you will come out a stronger person on the other side.  It's amazing what happens when you least expect it, and what incredible things can come out of those you once thought might destroy you.

2013, I'm not sure what you have in store for me - but I know that no matter what it is, I will embrace it with open arms.  I will head into the new year with an adventurous spirit and positive attitude.  With so many plans in the works, it's hard not to be excited!

To all of you out there who have kept up with me here, thank you.  Thank you for staying active and reading, reaching out, and being you.  I look forward to sharing a new year full of stories, adventures, and long trains of thought that inevitably end up on this cute little site here.  Have a healthy, safe, and most importantly happy New Year!

-Hilary