A Summer In Sometimes

After being scolded by a friend this past weekend for not updating my blog enough, I realized I have not been updating my blog enough.  If absence makes the heart grow fonder, there must be a mass of unread love letters piling up somewhere with my name on them.

This summer has flown by in a blur of heat waves and moving boxes, road trips and burning candles, friendships blossoming and decomposing, song lyrics and forgotten poems, and on the other side?  Well, quite frankly, I have no idea.

Therefore, I submit for the approval of the Midnight Society: my summer, in what I make best - a list.

Sometimes, you can be really, really brave.

Sometimes, you just aren't.

Sometimes, life hands you lemons, and you're allergic to citrus.  Or dairy.  Whatever.

Sometimes, an eight year old has the best advice.  And the best headbands.

Sometimes, you can still surprise yourself.

Sometimes, you spend an hour lying on the floor of the Whale Room in the Museum of Natural History, staring up at the moving ocean ceiling and swear you have found the meaning of life.

Sometimes, you need to ask for help.

Sometimes, you stumble upon people who will love you unconditionally.

Sometimes, you need to get lost in a park, a museum, on a bridge.

Sometimes, you need a little magic.

Other times, you just need a little Bowie.

Sometimes, you lose your job.

Sometimes, people will surprise you.

Other times, they will do exactly as you thought, for better or for worse.

Sometimes, you fall in love with a Ukulele player.

Sometimes, your cat knocks over a leftover-unopened bottle of Tab and it explodes all over your books and walls.

Sometimes, there are just not enough paper towels.

Sometimes, you cry your eyes out so hard that you think your brain is going to liquidate through your sockets.

Sometimes, you find closure.

Other times, you have to make peace with yourself.

Sometimes, you send a letter to your first love expressing forgiveness.  And you do not hear back.

Sometimes, you furniture breaks in a Budget rental truck.

Sometimes, you tackle the ferris wheel.

Sometimes, you get the privilege to dance.

Sometimes, you need to reconnect, rediscover, and redirect.

Sometimes, you learn how to open your heart again.

Always, you need to take a leap of faith, trust in your gut, and in yourself.

A Letter to 2012

Dear 2012,

What can I say that hasn't already been said?  You have dropped more knowledge on me than I knew what to do with.  You have filled me with so many ups and downs, ins and outs, overs and unders - you name it, you threw it at me.  While one might think that I should be angry with you and despise your very existence, I am here to tell you that I could not be more thankful. 

I have learned how strong I can be.  

I have learned to put myself out there, and be more fearless.  

I have had my heart broken, and learned how quickly I can repair myself.  

I have improved who I am, and how I feel.  

I have learned not to give too much of myself, period.

I have challenged myself in ways I never thought I would be able to, and come out successful. 

I have made new friendships, and rekindled old ones. 

I have learned that the people who matter the most make themselves known, just by being there for you - quality over quantity could not be more on point.  

I have learned that being a good friend can sometimes be the most important role.  

I have learned that I need to let go more often - of myself, of people, of past experiences - in order to move on and make room for new experiences, and new people.  

I have learned that a heart has no end to how much it can hold.  

I have learned that knowing what you need and needing what you want are two very different things.  

I have learned that standing up for yourself and who you are is the most empowering thing you can do for yourself.

I have learned that you can not lose yourself in any one person or any one thing - keeping yourself balanced is key.

I have realized how important fun is, and sometimes, you have to remind yourself that having it is so important.

I have realized that I deserve to be happy.  I deserve love, hope, friends, family, and all the good things in the world (and you do, too!).

I have learned that every experience is a learning experience.

And I will continue to believe that things happen for a reason - even if you can't see it at the time, even if it sucks more than anything, even if it feels like the end of the world and maybe the worst thing that could ever happen to you?  It will all work out in the end, and you will come out a stronger person on the other side.  It's amazing what happens when you least expect it, and what incredible things can come out of those you once thought might destroy you.

2013, I'm not sure what you have in store for me - but I know that no matter what it is, I will embrace it with open arms.  I will head into the new year with an adventurous spirit and positive attitude.  With so many plans in the works, it's hard not to be excited!

To all of you out there who have kept up with me here, thank you.  Thank you for staying active and reading, reaching out, and being you.  I look forward to sharing a new year full of stories, adventures, and long trains of thought that inevitably end up on this cute little site here.  Have a healthy, safe, and most importantly happy New Year!

-Hilary