Wednesday, March 30, 2011

True Friendship

Tiffany: You slore.
Hilary: Slut plus whore?
Tiffany: EXACTLY
Hilary: Solid.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Bookie Wookie

Childrens books that were, sadly, never written, according to members of The Wedding Singer Cast (and thanks, largely in part, to Loaded Questions, the new best game ever)

- Why Your Teacher Should Be Black
- Hello Little Girl, Want Some Candy From My Car?
- Touching Teachers
- Sex, For First Graders
- Little Timmy Learns to Blow
- We Rub Our Pee-Pees Together
- Lick My Balls: The Untold Story of Lassie




Kim: Hilary, is this going to be a blog?
Hilary: Pft.  No.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Tee Hee



Peep Show.  Love me some non-Jew holidays.


Christina (via FB chat in the next room): Can I come to you and fake slap you so I can get five dollars from Matt? (who was FB chatting her on the couch next to her).  Don't tell him.
Hilary: So what, you're asking to come in here, slap your hands together, and for me to scream 'WHAT THE FUCK, CHRISTINA?!'
Christina: Yeah.
Hilary: Okay.  But you owe me ten dollars for this.
Christina: Deal.  Wait no.  You get nothing.

5 minutes later

Christina slaps hands together
Hilary: WHAT THE FUCK, CHRISTINA!?
Christina: Matt, give me five dollars.
Matt: ...but I don't have five dollars... wait, where did you slap her?



Wednesday, March 16, 2011

A New Show!


Disenchanted: Bitches of the Kingdom
William Paterson University
June 2011


I'm pretty pumped, yo.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Eating In Connecticut

This weekend, I took a much needed impromptu road trip up to Wallingford Connecticut to visit my dear friend and former college roommate Tiffany.  Tiffany and I met my very first semester of college.  We bonded over playing little boys in Great Expectations - her being cast as Young Pip, and I, Young Herbert (and also Clara - who, if you are familiar with the story, later marries Herbert.  I married my future self.  Solid) - and had to have a ridiculous fist fight on stage, dressed as frilly little boys.  Needless to say, I got my ass kicked, and thus a friendship was born.

This is Tiffany and I in our last show together in college (she was Hermia in Midsummer, and I was Viola in Twelfth Night)

Tiffany and I also worked at the campus Writing Center together, along with an array of some pretty awesome characters.  Jeff, for example, would walk around campus with a paper bag over his head, pretend to fall, and have "break-up fights" with Tiffany in the Atrium lobby while students and professors looked on.  There was also Phoebe, who was an incredible poet, Pablo, who would sit at the front desk playing guitar, and Dreadlock John, who had dreadlocks and made up songs about Zombies while eating Cap'n Crunch and peanut butter.  Now, Jeff is a lawyer, Phoebe is married and lives in Florida, Pablo moved back to Venezuela, and Dreadlock John  is a teacher who cooks, records music in a studio, and inspires children every day.  He also dates Tiffany, who cut off his dreadlocks.  When did we become adults?  I miss the Writing Center and it's eccentric collection of misfit toys.  But I digress.  Back to Connecticut.

I drove up Friday night, and arrived in the cute, exactly-what-you-would-expect-Connecticut-to-be-like-town of Wallingford.  Tiffany and I settled on Iron Chef, a sushi and hibachi joint just down the road, where we indulged in hibachi goodness, salmon and steak, and the yummiest ginger dressing and fried rice I've ever had.  This is what it would look like if I had remembered to take a picture of us eating:


Next, we stopped at a Friendlys to get fat.  It was awesome.


We also stopped at Walmart (yuck), where we picked up Funglish (which we ended up not playing, though I'm sure she will enjoy for years to come), and I bought an extension cord.  Exciting, right?  You're jealous.  We ended our evening by staying up until about 3am watching the first 8 episodes of Arrested Development.  If you haven't watched this show, I suggest you download Netflix and get on it.  I don't know if a TV show has ever made me laugh this much.  Aside from maybe Modern Family.

The following day, after sleeping until noon, we took my car in to get the headlights replaced (they went out on my drive up - I know this because after 9 people flashed their high beams at me, I figured something was up.  Oops).  $72.00 later (ugh), we went out to lunch, and enjoyed this fabulous treat:

See that side noodle salad?  Awesome.  They also accompanied my sandwich with an olive tapenade instead of a balsamic dressing.  Score.
Once we finished lunch, Tiffany introduced me to my new favorite sport: Duckpin Bowling!  It is apparently only around in New England and Maryland, but it's really quite fun!  See:



After bowling (and doing pretty well for a first timer, if I do say so myself - a 120 in Duckpin is equivalent to a 200 in normal bowling, so judge accordingly, please), we grabbed a bottle of wine (and three Absolut shots), and went food shopping for pizza and brownie ingredients.  We returned to Tiffany's apartment, watched, and cooked this delicious sucker:

(before)

(after)

YUM.

We also made brownies with thin mint cookies sprinkled on top, and ice cream on the side.  I would have taken pictures of that, but we ate it too quickly.  We then spent the rest of the night watching all of season 1 of Arrested Development, drinking wine, eating our bangin' homemade pizza and brownies, and doing my taxes (shout out - THANKS TIFF!). 

(she is so sexy when she does my taxes)

All in all, a fabulous weekend.  I think it was just what we each needed - a chance to catch up with each other, take a break from our real lives, clear our heads, and eat a ton of food.  While daylight savings time really threw me for a loop and I woke up entirely exhausted, I feel refreshed and recharged, in a way.  Sometimes it's just important to get away, even if it isn't far, and come back with a new outlook on things.  Tiffany has always been that friend that I can bounce myself off of, and get the real deal in return.  I'm so thankful for her friendship, and the fact that we have been able to keep in touch and stay close, despite living a few states away.

Now, back to the land of subways and skateboards, graffiti and bicycles, laundromats and Mexicans and double bolted iron bars.  I love New York.


The Things We Talk About

Rachel: I just found a Cheerio in my Ugg.  Just wanted to tell someone.
Hilary: Do you eat a lot of Cheerios?
Rachel: No not really.  It was odd.
Hilary: Maybe an elf put it there.
Rachel: Or a gnome.

Ten minutes later

Rachel: Send me Kelsey's number you oreo.
Rachel: I went to call you a whoreo, and it autocorrected to oreo.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Bursting With Pride

I am proud of all my friends this week.

First and foremost, my roommate, Matt.  He is an aspiring actor (you may have seen him as President Duck), oddly obsessed with Carol Channing (he may or may not have a Carol Channing ventriloquist dummy - it's scary), and has way too much time on his hands.  But dammit, he makes me laugh:



Allow me to share the newest YouTube sensation, or as we over at Kelsey Theatre like to call her, "Chelsea".  She finally hit it big, kids (she's actually got a great voice!), all thanks to some wisdom teeth, a camera, and some killer Novocaine:



My friend Kyrus has become obsessed with Charlie Sheen.  This is his final straw.  Funny funny entertainment: