I always tend to pull this blog up right as I'm about to head to sleep, and then get distracted and write. I'm still playing with this. A strictly factual blog? A whatever-is-on-my-mind blog? I usually set out on these ventures with some sort of idea of where it's heading. This one is blind and can't find it's glasses.
I turned 23 yesterday. It was rather uneventful, and slightly disappointing. I don't know what it is I expect - I'm 23 years old, not 8. Birthday's aren't big deals, right? Yet, somehow, I expected something different. Something special. From someone special, maybe? I tend to find myself repeatedly...disenchanted, perhaps. I can't seem to place it. I think that's always been a slight problem of mine - I have extremely high expectations of almost everything I do and everyone I meet - but shouldn't I? Is it not important to set high standards for yourself? I have friends that have told me they set their expectations low - that way, they are never disappointed and consistently impressed. I don't agree with this at all, and I don't care if that makes me a snob (which, now that I think about, may be the exact definition of such a trait?). In high school, my mom used to say I was a cultural snob because I was always going to museums and galleries and shows. I take it as a compliment. I'm cultured!The occasional feeling of disillusionment has never sat well with me, and I don't intend to keep it around. It's literally that little cartoon dark cloud following me wherever I go. I feel guilty and culpable and almost constantly anxious, all view points I don't agree. Gloomy! That's what it is. I feel gloomy. Maybe it's the rain we had last week. Maybe it's my birthday, which now seems to come along with a slight depression. Maybe it's a who.
I'll call. I *love* the fall.
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