Kicking Walls and Making Noise

Does kicking a wall in desperate frustration right out on the street not caring what anyone thinks of you make you a New Yorker?  Can I have that crown now please?

Scene of the crime.  None of that damage was from me.

 have simply been having a kicking-my-foot-into-walls kind of week.  It's been stressful, frustrating, irritating, clingy, and impeccably annoying.  This week is the boyfriend I desperately need and want to break up with.  A reltionship gone sour, far past it's expiration date - not unlinke that yogurt in my fridge that hasn't been opened, and I am convinced it might still be okay to eat.  It probably is not.

The past few months have been littered with ups and downs, highs and lows, ins and outs, and tons of new experiences.  It's slightly refreshing to feel something different.  I've been productive and thoughtful.  I've taken myself out for dinner with the company of nothing but a good book and some killer noodles.  I've done a butt-ton of self reflecting, and a handful of self-inspiration.  I bought new running sneakers because I kicked ass on my first two 5K runs, and I damn well deserved a decent pair of running kicks.  I'm trying really hard to stay on top of things and allow my head to remaind above water, and not saying things to myself like "it's okay, you can cry when you get home", but rather "you're awesome, and you got this".


Sometimes it's really difficult to handle the ups and downs - especially when I'm down, and pulling myself out can be difficult.  I tend to get stuck in negative thought cycles, and while I'm learning to redirect and refocus, some days are harder than others. 

I am an incredibly impatient person when it comes to myself, and I think I'm getting anxious about things not happening faster.  I need to embrace the time I have, because it's not very often you get to completely concentrate on yourself.  I have the opportunity to regroup here - to redefine, and re-examine what makes me tick.  What I love, what I hate, what I want, what I need, my dreams, my realities, my goals - I get to work on me.  How often does a person truly get that chance?  I get to work on me.  I get to work on me.

After all, if we can't laugh at ourselves for throwing a temper tantrum over our own inability to express an emotion?  well shucks.  I'm out.