I know this has all become less objective, and more personal. It's just the way it is.
I hate feeling sad. It's how I feel almost all of the time right now, and the only word I can think of to describe it is "suck". It just sucks. When a person is such a big part of your life for so long, it's really hard to not have it there anymore - especially when you thought it was something you wanted.
I have always heard people say that when someone breaks your heart, it literally feels as though your chest is breaking in to pieces. I was never able to understand that until now - though it's not something I'm proud to feel. I was driving home from rehearsal today, and as a song came on that reminded me of him, my chest physically started to hurt. I miss him. I miss having him in my life, I miss being able to call him up and tell him everything that's going on, sharing the good and the bad, having him reason me out when I'm being unreasonable, quoting movies, laughing, and just being.
Whether or not it's the case, it seems as though I was able to lift right out of his life, no questions asked. It was as though I were not important enough to cause a rift. How did this happen? And why was it happening all around me without my knowing? Why did everyone else know, and I was the last to find out?
Cheating sucks. I don't understand it, nor do I think I ever will. And I am okay with that.
1 comment:
As small and maybe trite as it is, just tell yourself, "This won't last forever. I will get through this." The pain won't go away if you think it, but it helped me to remember that it would go away eventually ... that I would be okay after a while ... and you've already gotten through a month. You'll get through another and it won't be this bad, and another and it will be even better, and another and another ... just remember that.
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