Gone Crazy, Back Soon

I'm not entirely sure what to say anymore.

I do know that I have some supremely incredible friends, and without them, I don't necessarily know what I would be doing. They are, quite literally, keeping me sane. And I am honestly having fun - I've gone bowling, gone out for drinks, seen movies, and tonight, went to a really fun Superbowl party, where I actually had fun. Which means there are actually times when I'm not thinking about the situation, or him. Which is good. Of course as soon as I realize I haven't been thinking about it, I think about it. But this is a good first step. Hopefully the time spans of not thinking about it will start to get longer. It's like rehab. Apparently, I suck at rehab.

I think I need to clean out my entire room, completely. I think I need to take things down and rearrange. That, and my closet is filled with crap, and needs not to be. Plus, my walls are a little too high school/college. I need to adult-ise it.

I hate that this is all I can write about right now, and I apologize for it. It's taken over my life, and I despise it, but it's all that's on my mind. He changed his status on Facebook, which I know, is stupid, and it's just Facebook - but it really upset me. I saw "single" in print. It felt so hard, so real. It was a slap in the face I was not ready for. Although I do take back all the overly dramatic statuses I put up. But who was thinking logically?

I'm just tired of cowards. And I hope that one day, I'll meet someone that would never dream of doing this to me, or anyone, for that matter. Someone who would never cheat on me, who would communicate and talk to me when something was wrong, someone who would never lie, or treat me like the nothing I'm beginning to feel like after all of this. Someone who will love me as much as I love them, and who will truly want to share their life with me. I hate that I thought I had that, and within moments, it was just swept out from under me. It's not fair, and I didn't deserve it. No one does.

It's good to write it out.