Stupid Takes On A Whole New Level

I know it sounds boring, but when I consume alcohol, I tend to drink it - be it from a glass, a bottle, or through a twisty straw. Sounds pretty reasonable, right? Apparently, that's not enough anymore for those crazy teenagers and young college students, who are finding new and interesting ways to get their drink on, using new and interesting orifices to do it, to say the least.

Now yes, this topic may be slightly older, but it was just this past weekend when I learned of “eyeball shots”. Yes, you read correctly. An eyeball shot is just as it sounds - a shot of alcohol you take with your (wait for it) eye. You simply hold a shot glass (or, to be extra classy, the mouth of a bottle) up to your eye socket, lean back, and voila! Insta-drunk! Alcohol is absorbed best through mucous membranes, and according to college students in England, since the eyeball and eyelids are covered in said membranes, it is the fastest way to get drunk. Really? Personally, I think it sounds like the fastest way to sting your eyes and go blind.

According to opthomologists, this practice not only can cause permanent damage to the surface of the eye, but it will hurt like crazy. Oh, and it doesn’t even work. That’s right. Those kiddies may think they’re rocking a drunken high, but really, they’re just stupid. Seriously. Type in “Eyeball Shots” on YouTube, and enjoy hours of dummies being super cool.

Another rad practice consists of pouring vodka into an asthma atomizer or inhaler, and snorting it. Guess what that does? Nothing but burn your sinuses. Cool!

I have, however, saved my personal favorite for last. According to my extensive internet research, this technique was first rumored to exist back in 1999 – but who’s keeping track. Ladies, this one’s for you! Did you know that you can now soak a tampon in vodka and insert it inside of yourself to get buzzed (vaginal mucous membranes anyone)? That’s right! It doesn’t work, but I’ll give someone ten dollars to try it (not). I can only begin think of why a person would maybe even consider doing this; Maybe to avoid the smell of booze on ones breath? To perhaps avoid the nausea and post party blues? None of these seem like justifiable reasons to shove a soaking wet tampon up your who-ha. And how someone would do this is another story all together. It just sounds uncomfortable.

I personally enjoy this quote, which I think sums up the current generation quite well, taken from an article written in USA Today:

What has changed is that the Internet now allows stupid behaviors to be amplified in ways they couldn't easily be before, Lyons says. For example, there's no epidemic of students punching themselves in the face, but there are more than 20 videos of youths doing so online.

Pure genius. Who wants to go buy some vodka and tampons?!