And So It Begins...

I feel as though today started a new chapter in my life. It is the day after labor day, which, for the past 5 years, has been the day a new class schedule shifted into gear, and which, for the 13 years prior, the remaining school supplies were purchased, and the back-to-school outfit was chosen, winding up to the first day of school 48 hours later. Now, having graduated from college, I am not afraid to admit, that given the lack of routine and set schedule I have had 18 years prior to this day, the following:

I am scared shitless.


From what everyone tells me, this is normal. It's not even so much a feeling of fear, as much as a feeling of misdirection, or absenteeism. I feel as though I am missing something, something substantial - like I'm constantly late to something I'm supposed to be at - almost as though life is going on, and it's not including me. Shouldn't I feel the opposite? Shouldn't I feel as though I've finally caught up? Like I'm outside of the bubble known as college, and now I'm catching up on the world I was missing for 5 years?

It reminds me of my very first week my freshman year of college. I had this same gut-wrenching nervousness, I knew no one, and had no idea where I was going to fit or where I was going to end up. Do I now have to rediscover it all over again? Or more importantly, do I need to rediscover myself all over again? I remember calling Cara that first week, almost in tears, hating this new atmosphere and feeling terrible scared and lonely, and she (having been at school a week already) told me the following: "Dude, trust me - it gets better, I promise you. Hang in there, and call me if you need me!"

I think I may almost be in that spot again, just a little more prepared. Maybe this is what happens each time something huge changes in your life, and I just have to accept that and embrace what is new. It's silly to be scared of the unknown, because the unknown might be something fabulous - I just need to repeat that mantra to myself over and over again.
The silliest part is that I have some wonderful things coming up. I'm starting my job at Barnes and Noble tomorrow, tonight was the first King and I read thru, and Monday is the first rehearsal for Rocky Horror - plus I'm applying for two more choreography jobs for the year. The hardest part hits when I realize all my high school friends have moved away, and all my college friends are at least an hour away - so socially, it's going to be a hard adjustment, and a little extra work. But I'm good at work.

Therefore, in the industrious words of Jordan, I leave you with:
"You can handle whatever is thrown at you. I know that."


So here goes.